Photo by Lena Mirisola Photography
The handfasting ceremony is experiencing an exciting revival. I believe that’s because it’s from a time when marriage wasn’t under the jurisdiction of civic nor religious institutions—it was more about community witnessing and understanding. At a time when people are skeptical about government and religion, it makes sense that we return to beautiful and tactile symbolic acts like handfasting to make our collective rituals powerful and embodied.
Have a listen to read below for my two favorite symbolic approaches to handfasting. I recommend >>this video<< by a UK celebrate for a tutorial on this logistics.
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HANDFASTING CEREMONY SCRIPT & TIPS
Handfasting script for the unity ritual approach
Before we arrive at the legal part of this wedding ceremony, Sarah and Ryan wish to take part in an ancient Celtic and Nordic tradition: a handfasting ceremony. Used by families in a time when marriages were not under the jurisdiction of government or religion. It was just two people, two families, and community witnesses. The version of the ritual we’ll enact today gave birth to the wedding phrase, “Tie the knot,” and you’ll see why very shortly.
In a moment, their mothers will each bring them a ribbon. They will represent the family they each came from, and all the love and lessons thereof. In reflecting on their understanding of love and commitment they both spoke highly of their families. As they officially begin their own family today, it is fitting to acknowledge that they are building on the love they were brought up in.
Will the mothers please bring their ribbons to our Bride and Groom?
They bring the ribbons to you, feel free to share hugs and kisses with each.
I take both ribbons into my possession. I instruct you to clasp each other’s wrists with your right hands.
And wrap each one at a time. I tuck the ribbon under one thumb, around your hands and under the other thumb just like you saw in the video. Then I hold up the next ribbon.
Blue – Sarah’s family
Forest Green – Ryan’s family
Light gold- their new family
White – divine wisdom
This ribbon represents the family that Sarah and Ryan are forming in this very moment. They will leave this ceremony as family to each other.
And finally. For the mysterious, unknowable power of divinity. Maybe you always be divinely guided, and divinely supported.
I step back and pick my book back up.
Sarah and Ryan, take a breath. Feel the hand of your best friend. Tucked under your thumb are ribbons of love—the love that has brought you up in this world, the love you have formed together, and the love that underpins all of life. Your journey has slowly woven all of them together, and now I invite you to tie them together in an everlasting knot.
I gently instruct you to use your thumb to grasp all the ribbons then wriggle your hands apart, pulling and making a knot! The crowd goes wild!
Handfasting script for the values/vows/virtues approach
Handfasting
Before we arrive at the legal part of this wedding ceremony, Caroline and Matt wish to take part in an ancient tradition. Handfasting is a Nordic and Celtic ritual. Used by families in a time when marriages were not under the jurisdiction of government or religion. It was just two people, two families, and community witnesses. The version of the ritual we’ll enact today gave birth to the wedding euphemism, “Tie the knot,” and you’ll see why very shortly.
But first, we imbue each of these ribbons with meaning that will make them very specifically an act and symbol for the marriage of Caroline and Matt.
I pick the ribbons up from table and hold up each one as I speak about it.
First: Commitment, or more specifically: becoming a family. Henceforth your life’s path and your life’s path (gesturing to each of you in turn) will become one path as a family.
I tuck the ribbon under one thumb, around your hands and under the other thumb just like you saw in the video. Then I hold up the next ribbon.
Growth. May you grow endlessly, and always together.
Luck. May you always be lucky, as you have been in these nine years.
And finally: Happiness. May you discover, create, and share happiness every day of your marriage.
I gently instruct you to use your thumb to grasp all the ribbons then wriggle your hands apart, pulling and making a knot! The crowd goes wild!
I set the knotted ribbon on the table and pick back up my book.
VIDEO TRANSCRIPT
0:00 Hey, I am Reverend Maureen Cotton from the Soilful Wedding. I am here to help you have an authentic and meaningful wedding ceremony. 0:09 Today we are going to talk about the hand fasting ritual. Hand fasting is an ancient Celtic anortic tradition it comes from the time of oral tradition so in truth it’s not something that we can know with certainty when it was created who exactly practiced it but we know that had lots of variations and 0:31 it was really really from a time when weddings were about community they weren’t in the church they weren’t government sanctioned they were communities coming together and in fact there’s different information out there about whether not hand fasting was actually used as more of a potential. 0:48 Troll though an engagement ritual or even a trial marriage period or the actual wedding ceremony but has been adapted to involve the actual wedding ceremony and some versions of it which im going to share about Thanks for today when it actually involves tying a knot and the phrase to tie the knot as 1:11 in to get married comes from this ritual you may have seen hand fasting just to give you a little bit of context in such media as game of thrones or brave heart umm someone recently mentioned the show piki blinders umm so things that might take place in the Celtic or Nordic world maybe you have seen 1:31 references to it basically it is about a couple bringing their hands the end. Together and something being wrapped around it this has also been adapted in some areas by the Catholic church where a priest will wrap their stool around a couple of hands as a form of blessing but you can see the very simple 1:52 symbolism bringing Any questions? The hands together as a sign of the connection something being wrapped around it a stool a cord a ribbon to symbolize that coming together for the specific how to today I’m going to focus Okay. 2:09 Thank you. Okay. Focus on the version that allows you to tie a knot and for the step by step how to I’m going to in the description of this video on the blog page wherever I put this include a link to a gentleman in the UK Okay. 2:25 Martin whose initials are mad and the video is mad on hand fasting and he walks you through how to do a hand fasting different ways my favorite is the very first one that involves multiple ribbons and tying a knot and the tying the knot in this version is extremely simple and when it comes to your wedding 2:46 ceremony simple is good because nerves are going to be running really really high in that moment and I can tell you when the ribbons start to get wrapped it looks like a little messy for a moment and you can see people’s faces like the guests they’re like mmm it’s gonna happen here but then the hands 3:02 come apart the knot is tied and the crowd goes wild so it’s very rewarding ritual to do but what I want to talk about in more detail because Martin already has such a good how to You is the symbolism there’s two ways that I suggest to my couples to work with the symbolism and then it just depends on 3:21 what you want to emphasize so in Martin’s version there’s gonna be multiple uhh cords or ribbons involved you one way to do that that just focuses on you as a couple is to decide that each of those cords or ribbons represents a virtue of your relationship or an aspect of your vows so when you work through 3:44 your wedding ceremony when you think about it what’s important to you and why you’re getting married examples of what might be involved might be family, friendship, devotion, nature, adventure, comfort, joy, luck, happiness. 4:00 I don’t recommend all of those. I would recommend three to four but those are examples of different virtues aspects of vows that I have worked with and we draw out what is specific to that couple so then as each ribbon gets presented and wrapped you around the fishy and says this one is for family you 4:22 know may you find joy in blending your families or henceforth from today you will be one family may you always have adventure etc so that’s a beautiful way to to just. 4:34 Really customize it to you and what this moment is about to you another approach is to make it a unity ritual that honors families coming together so in that case you would have one cord or ribbon that represents We’ll see you next Thanks. 4:50 One partner’s family of origin and then another ribbon represents the other person’s family of origin you would have a third chord that represents the new family that you’re forming in that moment. 5:04 Optionally if you have step children or something like that involved there could be chords that specifically honor them and they could be involved but otherwise it’s really about family coming together. 5:18 Additionally there could be a chord for the divine or for God or for the divine mystery however you orient your spirit . 5:28 . Spirituality there could be a ribbon for that which applies both to the unity ritual and to the sort of virtue or vow one I mentioned before you could you could have God or the divine involved that way and honored that way Bye. 5:44 If you do the family unity ritual approach what makes it really special is that you can have a member of each family be the one to bring the cord to the ceremony for example it could be the mothers or it could be both parents could be a sibling whatever is appropriate for your family constellation that 6:05 person can actually bring the ribbon to the ceremony and that’s a really nice way to invite someone into ceremonial space you’ll see if you pursue umm mad met martin’s video hell reference the fact that you can actually have different people in your community be the one to wrap it so you could have the 6:28 mothers be the one to wrap it or you could have the parents or something like that Thanks for personally I don’t usually go for that approach because again in ceremony I think some simplicity reigns supreme and even though wrapping the ribbon is extremely simple ask You Taking someone to come up and 6:50 wrap the ribbon can be fairly anxiety provoking and there’s just that uncertainty like if they’re doing it right so I find it’s most simple to just have that person bring the ribbon forward and that is enough to honor them and umm but if you want to have them wrap it of course go for it if theyre not 7:09 an anxious personality type it could work out beautifully but thats just my little warning I like to keep things simple I like to keep anxiety low. 7:17 So I hope thats helpful the hand fasting is a really beautiful tradition experiencing a big revival and lots of luck enjoy to you if you involve it in your wedding ceremony