Better than an unplugged wedding ceremony

Many couples wonder whether to have unplugged wedding ceremony. My advice is to closely consider the issues at play.

A core tension in 21st century weddings is between our compulsion to preserve moments versus embody them. This tension plays out as wedding guests shift around in their seats while watching the wedding through the small screen of their phone (or Aunt Edna’s large screen of her ipad!).

Everyone knows this is a problem, which is why having “unplugged” wedding ceremony have become common. An unplugged ceremony means the couple does not wish for anyone (besides the hired pros) to take photos or video. Often this boundary is set by signs and an announcement from the officiant.

However, as a photographer-turned-minister+wedding-officiant I have a nuanced view of the things at play here…

• The desire to be in the moment.
• The desire (of guests) to have a photo token of this momentous occasion.
• The desire for the professional images to not get messed up.
• The desire of the couple to feel they are being witnessed, not recorded, by their community.
• The desire/need to quickly share photos of the couple in their temporary identity of marrier/bride/groom with people who care about them but aren’t present.
• The deep, earnest desire to hold onto our most anticipated moments in life.
• As a lifelong photographer I know that making a photograph can be a way to discover meaning and honor the value of something—it doesn’t necessarily detract from the moment.

So what do we do about all these converging desires? The answer is not an unplugged wedding ceremony (that doesn’t address half of the list above).

Instead, we have a ceremony photo op.

At the start of my ceremonies I actually INVITE people to get their phones out. This is the VERY beginning, before we’ve started circling the layers of sacred space around us. It’s engaging and fun. People are surprised, delighted, and feel included.

This benefits the couple. There’s laughter and much of the nervousness leading up to the ceremony dissipates as the couple gets a chance to look around at their community with a light-hearted air.

This benefits your guests. Giving your guests a moment to take a photo scratches the itch: taking photos is a way people engage with moments. They want to mark the moment because your wedding is a milestone in *their* life too.

Guests are DELIGHTED that they can actually get a great photo. The photo they get is 100x better because the couple is looking out and smiling / laughing. It’s the only photo they need of the moment. When sneaking around during the ceremony, the photos are never very good and, more importantly, the photo-taker is distracted. Guests struggling for a good photo angle are no longer a witness to the potent moment.

This benefits your photographer and videographer. People honor this boundary.* It’s easy to because they got the photo they desire. The photographer and videographer can work unimpeded and you don’t have to worry about seeing a sea of phones.

*In years of doing this only once did the bride’s uncle continue to take photos the whole time. He also told me afterward that the mic the DJ gave me wasn’t very good and if he had known then he would have brought his mic from home. LOL. So, you know, an unplugged wedding ceremony sign would not have stopped him.

Like all the elements of my process, it started as an experiment: will this solve the phone issue? But it grew to become its own moment and the perfect set up for people to clear their minds and receive the beautiful ceremony I’ve collaborated on with the couple.

Don’t fight it. Invite your community to mark the moment with you, *then* they will naturally be in the moment with you.

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