What is a Soulful Wedding?

Photo by Scot Woodman photography

Soulful vs. performative 

Your wedding puts you at the center of your community for a moment. All eyes are on you, and all your wishes will be heard. 

Do you use that opportunity to…

A: Express the full version of who you are? (Deeper and more complex than any one member of your community can possibly know.)

B: Or, do you use that opportunity to perform an identity?

Option A I call The Soulful Wedding. If you’ve been to such weddings then you know they awaken a profound sense of joy and connection in every single person who is there. The couple shares what this moment truly means to them, and makes you feel a part of it. 

You leave floating, spiritually full, believing in the healing and invigorating power of love. 

You think to yourself, “Wow, this couple’s love really is so special, and I’m so lucky that I’m part of their love in a way too. I hope I can always seek, grow, and keep this kind of love in my life.”

Ahhhhh… that’s the best stuff in life. 😊

Option B I call a performative wedding. If you’ve been to such weddings then you know it feels like you were called to “oooo” and “awww” at a couple as they try to prove how special their love is. 

You think to yourself, “OMG enough already. I get it. You’re soooooooo in love.” As a guest, you feel (at best) like a second thought, and (at worst) a little used. 

(In truth, it’s more of a spectrum of weddings than singular options. But I think it’s safe to assume you want as much of Option A as possible, or you wouldn’t be here at TheSoulfulWedding.com)

In the 21st century, staying on track—or even getting on track—for a Soulful Wedding is difficult. 

The second you get engaged you’re peppered with questions about the date, location, and who’s invited. The internet tells you step one is to write a guest list or set a budget. 

But the step one for a Soulful Wedding is to consider what your marriage means to you.

Because, your dream for your marriage is the soul of your wedding. 

(It’s worth saying: couples typically don’t choose the performative wedding; they’ve been pushed in that direction by the entire wedding media complex. Couples usually need a lifeline—or at least a hint—to get intentionally on track.)

You don’t have to get married to be in a lifelong committed relationship. You don’t have to get married to declare and promise your love to someone, or stand with them through all of life’s beautiful and challenging transitions. 

So, why marriage—for you two? Why now? 

There’s this funny thing in our culture where engaged couples downplay the significance of marriage. “We’ve been together so long and we already (insert: bought a house / had a baby / grieved and moved and changed so much together) that it’s like we’re already married.” 

As your spiritual wedding coach I, lovingly, challenge you on such assumptions. 

These are things we say when we simply don’t know the meaning of marriage. I, too, said these things to myself and others when I married my wife over a decade ago. Even as marriage’s meaning—and our desire for it—is more complex for us queer couples! 

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Once upon a time your religion told you what marriage meant. So it also told you how to go about having a wedding (and especially a ceremony) to create that meaning. 

But today we make meaning in more complex and personal ways. A small fraction of the wedding planning advice out there overlaps with the true meaning of your wedding. But honestly, most of it does not does not address this central question. 

You can find volumes of advice on what your wedding party should wear and the latest food trends. But very, very little if you search for guidance on creating a meaningful, authentic, soulful wedding. 

This is exactly why I created The Soulful Wedding. 

So that you can enter marriage with your heart and eyes open to the changes occurring in yourself, your partnership, and your community as you cross the threshold into marriage. (HINT: the infamous wedding stress is not just about the cost and endless to dos of event planning. Much deeper issues are being stirred.)

Yes, marriage does has meaning and weight.

Once you recognize how transformative getting married really is, then you get to steer the ship some, and lay the foundation of a fulfilling and awe-inspiring marriage. 

Because how weird would it be if marriage truly meant nothing? 

With how much we anticipate marriage, grant special privileges to legally married couples, create education for healthy marriages, fight for marriage equality, reel at the difficulty of divorce, and highly celebrate milestone anniversaries…

If marriage was nothing more than a tax status, then what’s all the above fuss about?

You don’t have to have an answer right this minute. In fact, you almost can’t because it’s an inquiry to take with your partner.

But starting this inquiry is the foundation for a beautiful + strong marriage and the path to a Soulful Wedding. 

Let’s get started.